The Hidden Drain on Your Energy

You can’t change your height. You can’t change your age. And you probably can’t single-handedly change Elon Musk’s office policies. Yet, many of us waste precious energy on problems we can’t fix—what Stanford lecturers Dave Evans and Bill Burnett call “gravity problems.”

What if you stopped fighting unwinnable battles and redirected that energy?

As leaders, our time and energy are finite. Too often with my executive coaching clients, I see brilliant founders, leaders and teams burning out over issues entirely outside their control. Recognizing gravity problems can mean the difference between impact and frustration.

Ever find yourself in a heated debate about something you have absolutely no control over? That’s a classic sign you’re dealing with a gravity problem. Strategic leaders recognize gravity problems and learn to shift their focus from unsolvable frustrations to actionable solutions.

What Are Gravity Problems?

A gravity problem is an unchangeable reality—like gravity itself—that no amount of effort can alter. In many cases, these aren’t even “problems” but simple facts.

For example, here are some of my own gravity “problems”:

I grew up in California.
I am divorced.
I used to be a corporate finance lawyer.

These facts just are, and they're unchangeable. Similarly, if it’s raining, I can’t stop the rain—but I can grab an umbrella or adjust my plans.

A common energy drain I see in leadership is fixating on external forces beyond our control. In product development, for instance, teams often struggle with fixed constraints like market regulations, user behaviors, or technological limitations. Successful leaders don’t waste time fighting these realities, engaging in wishful thinking or bikeshedding—they design solutions that work within them.

If you catch yourself saying something like, “The boss says we have to come in, but he’s barely here himself…” you might be stuck in a gravity problem loop. It may feel unfair, but venting not only won’t change it, it could accelerate burnout.

Why Do We Waste Energy on Gravity Problems?

We often get stuck on gravity problems because they tap into our desire for fairness, control, or certainty, but no amount of debate, analysis, or frustration will change the unchangeable. Avoid wasting your precious time and energy when possible.

As Stephen Covey explains in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, effective leaders focus on their Circle of Influence—the things they can control—rather than their Circle of Concern, which includes external factors they can't change. The difference between frustration and impact often comes down to where we choose to direct our attention.

As conflict resolution expert Tammy Lenski puts it: "Gravity problems make conflict resolution harder, but there are ways to recognize gravity problems when you see them and prevent them from hijacking resolution."

How to Spot a Gravity Problem

So how do you know if you’re dealing with a gravity problem? Here are three guiding questions to ask yourself:

Can I take direct action to change this? If not, you might be looking at a gravity problem.

Is this a fundamental, unchangeable fact (like time, age, history, or external corporate policies, who the President is, what the weather is)? If yes, then fixating on it won’t help.

Will debating this improve my situation in any way? If the answer is no, it’s time to move on.

By identifying gravity problems early, you can save yourself from pouring energy into dead-end frustrations.

Reframing: Turning Gravity Problems Into Actionable Ones

The concept of Gravity Problems comes from the book Designing Your Life, which teaches how to apply design thinking to create a meaningful and fulfilling life, regardless of circumstances. Burnett and Evans suggest that you reframe your unsolvable gravity problem into one that can be solved- for example, by designing a new model.

Instead of dwelling on what you can’t change, shift your focus to what you can influence. Shifting from “Why is this happening?” to “What can I do?” puts you back in control of your energy and focus.

For example:

Gravity problem: The company you work for has decided to restructure, eliminating a role you hoped to step into.

Actionable problem: You can expand your leadership skills, build relationships in other departments, or explore opportunities elsewhere.

By reframing challenges this way, you strategically free yourself from frustration and proactively channel your energy into meaningful progress.

Manage Your Energy, Not Just Your Time

Cultivating a strategic mindset means focusing your energy on what you can change, not gravity problems. Strategic leaders recognize the limits of their control and instead focus their efforts where they can drive real change. This will often involve reframing a question or problem.

When asked by a Rolling Stone interviewer about his ideas (back in 1994), Steve Jobs said this:

"I don’t think of the world that way. I’m a tool builder. That’s how I think of myself. I want to build really good tools that I know in my gut and my heart will be valuable. And then whatever happens is… you can’t really predict exactly what will happen, but you can feel the direction that we’re going. And that’s about as close as you can get. Then you just stand back and get out of the way, and these things take on a life of their own."

Steve Jobs instinctively reframed the question. Instead of wasting time worrying about unpredictable market forces or competitors’ moves, he focused on building great tools. That’s the essence of leadership energy management.

Instead of getting stuck on what you can't change, use this approach to shift your focus:

Accept reality – Acknowledge what’s outside your control.
Reframe the problem – Shift your focus to what is actionable.
Ask a solvable question – Instead of dwelling on the impossible, identify what can be changed.
Take real steps forward – Prototype solutions and start making progress.

Final Thought: Where Will You Invest Your Energy?

Take a moment to reflect: Where are you wasting energy on gravity problems? What would happen if you redirected that energy into something you can control?

In leadership, time and focus are your most valuable assets. Recognizing gravity problems and shifting your perspective is a powerful way to maximize both.

If you’re a leader ready to focus your energy where it matters, let’s connect.

#ExecutiveCoaching #LeadershipDevelopment #EnergyManagement #TimeManagement